Let's hide

2012-01-28T11:39:00.000-08:00

What happened to us? Why are we so different now ? Why cant we talk like how we used to? Did i take the wrong step to let you into my life ?I gave you a chance, i gave myself a chance, i gave us a chance.But it seems like nothing is working out. So many things have changed. You blame me for being so defensive and bitchy now, but ask yourself , why am i like this now ? Why?
Recently, everything seems like im the one at fault, im the bad guy. And yes, most of time, i am. But then again, ask yourself, why? Im just scarred and im trying to protect myself from getting hurt again. Its not a good thing that im like this now, of couse i know that but i just cant help it. No one is there to help me, to guide me through everything. No one is there to completely understand things from my point of view.All i want is just someone to pamper me, to give in to me at the right time and to teach me nicely. You're teaching me in the harsh way .I've learnt everything myself and i've depended on myself to get to this stage of our relationship. Nobody taught me how to be a good girlfriend, no one taught me how to statisfy you and your expectations. And you know damn right, how difficult you are. I know i am difficult too, but i dont expect a lot from you, do i?
your words are like knives everytime we are in an argument, you put me down so much ,you hurt me like as if you dont care. And sometimes, i am really convinced that you dont give a damn about me, y'know that ?Sometimes,i just ask myself " is it worth it to stay? Is it worth it to let a guy hurt you like this? " But im not leaving and i didnt leave cause i love you so fucking much and i know thats not the real you, cause i trust you.But do you?
you'd take major offense in almost everything i do and say, i really dont know what to do anymore. I dont know what to do with myself so i can please you.
Do you even take into consideration that this is the first time im in a relationship? Do you? And you're my first boyfriend,YOU.A guy thats fucking deep and smart that made me feel so inferior. And you expect me to learn from all your harsh comments.I really wish that we would be like how we used to. midnight calls everynight, talking about life without me feeling uncomfortable and inferior.But i doubt that can happen again at the rate we are going.
Is it time to let go,honey? I really dont know, sometimes i feel that we might not be the one for each other, but i just cant bear to leave you. i cant believe i love you so fucking much ,im willing to suffer in silence unless you do something about it.I hope you see this someday, but i doubt so cause you probably wouldnt even remember that i have this blog. Am i right?

Im losing hope every single time we quarrel.I'm so tired, im drained. I need a getaway. I need you to understand, I need you.

2011-09-15T12:17:00.001-07:00

I just realized that I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I dont know what I can do in the future. What do I wanna be? What is my dream
Job? What do I wanna work as ?
I have no idea. I'm not good at anything. I can't do programming. I can't really do business shit. I love science, but I suck at it. What can i do? Practically, nothing.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I such a failure in life? I didn't even accomplish anything.
I suck at studying now. I'm not as sociable as I was, I'm stubborn and i don't know about so many things. What can I do with myself?
I feel like I'm letting my parents down. I hope for the world to end now. I don't even think I would have the capability to earn a living in the future. I have no future.

2011-01-17T11:10:00.001-08:00

In a blink of an eye, its already 2011.It still feels like as if im in secondary school being all crazy and fun.heh , i kinda miss those days.It has been a year and lots of things have changed.I have new characters in my life now,and also,some of the old ones left.I guess some people just come and go in life :/Im not even sure if im really ready for all these changes.I keep thinking im 16 when im actually turning 18 this year.

Yeah,its true that lots of things have changed but i do like one of the changes in my life; Its that i'm really glad that i've found someone whom i love more than i actually thought i would. Its a kind of bliss i guess.Even though he may be kinda difficult at times but i think its okay,its probably one of the obstacles god gave me.heh^^Imagine if everything for me is gonna be so smooth and fine,its gonna be freaking boring i swear.So yeah,im glad :D

I've never missed someone so much before and its kinda miserable D: but its okay,at least its not an one-sided kind of thing,right?haha i think im quite a lucky and fortunate girl,heee ^^
Sometimes it just feels like a dream.So perfect and ideal till i cant believe its true.Its too good to be true,it makes me feel scared at times :/ What if i wake up one day,and poof,everything is gone?Im really afraid of that D: Im afraid of losing whatever that i have now.I dont even know why i have such insecurities.I would just wanna make sure that everything is in place once in a while.I guess that's the only way to fix my insecurity issue.
Even though im really afraid of getting hurt and all,but there is always a firsts to everything right? :) I just need to explore and gain more experiences along the way,i guess? heh :)

Then,up to here-

2010-12-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

I just realised that i've been crying a lot lately :/ Crying is so tiring ,i dont wanna cry anymore.I seriously hate the fact that im always feeling so emotional and all.It seriously sucks to the core.I just wanna be 15 again,when everything was so perfect with all my friends.

But on the other hand,I've met someone really awesome recently and i guess thats the only thing thats keeping me up.I've never felt this way before and its really strange,the good kind of strange.I just hope that everything will work out well.I really dont want that whole shit to repeat again.I really dislike the feeling of trying to forget someone.

Then,up to here-

2010-11-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

I think i kinda forgot how it feels like to have a bestfriend. I guess im living in denial that i still have one.I miss those crazy things we used to do together.
What happened? I feel so lost and perplexed now.I just miss my bestfriend so much.I guess we are both just too lazy to catch up with one another.We're both lazy people which is sad.

I miss going out with her every single day after school for lunch.I miss those times when we would just slack at vivo after school to pig out with all our junk food.I miss waiting for her.I miss how much she could understand me.I miss talking to her about things which i can never talk about to other people.I miss going over to her house to watch drama series and then end up falling asleep together.I miss talking to her on the phone for almost the whole entire day.I miss discussing about our singing career together.I miss talking to her about our crazy fan fictions.I miss singing with her and competing to see who could reach all the high notes.I miss cooking instant noodles with her at her house.I miss doing nothing with her.I miss her complains about how dusty and smokey her house was.I miss shopping with her.I miss her loud voice and laughter.I miss us talking about our ideal boyfriends.I miss talking to her about how we want our marriage to be like.I miss talking to her about how adorable kids are.I just miss her so so much ):

This is life.

Then,up to here-

2010-11-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

I really didnt expect Happy to go off so sudden and quickly.Even though i've been preparing myself ever since last july.But i dont know why,im still not prepare and i will never ever be.It was so painful to see the process of him dying.I saw him gasping for air,trying his very best to breathe.It really hurts to see him suffer so much before he passed away.Its not even a day and im already missing him.He has been with me for more than half of my life.I miss his barking,i miss his smell,i miss his cuteness,i miss his everything.I just can't believe it that he is gone.
How now?How am i gonna get used to my life now ? Nobody is gonna welcome me when im home.It just hurts so bad cause he is gone for real.I wonder if he is doing fine now,i hope he is.He must be feeling so scared now :/ Bet he is feeling really lost now. It feels like a nightmare.Seriously,how can Happy die?How could he?! I don't want anything now,i just want him back.I want him to perform tricks for me.
Im so used to him in my life now.Im so used to calling"Happy!!~" randomly when im bored.Then he would come walking towards me while i hear the sound of his nails hitting against the floor. Im gonna miss that sound...a lot :/
I really dont know what to say.Maybe its really just a nightmare.The moment im up the next day,i'll see him next to me.
yes,maybe i should get some sleep now and everything would resume to how it used to be.
goodnight.

Then,up to here-

2010-11-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but i'm scared...Really scared ):

I don't want that feeling to come back.It has been 177 days of torture.I don't wanna be stupid and let this whole shit happen again.Its too tiring for me.

Then,up to here-

2010-11-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

I really really REALLY wanna study abroad.I don't wanna stay here anymore ):

I wanna cry so badly but nobody knows.

Then,up to here-

2010-11-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired,i don't know what to say.I have so so so many things going through my head.I wanna escape from this shit so badly.Why do i always have to pretend?Nothing is going my way and pratically everything is screwed.wow,what an awesome life i have.I'm just so sick of telling people how tired,how sad,how bad i feel.Maybe thats why i keep things to myself now.Don't you think its really sickening to repeat yourself again and again but nothing changes?Well,thats how i feel now.And i think its really annoying for everyone to hear the same shit from me over and over again.So i guess the best is just to keep everything inside.

The fact is i'm not happy,not happy at all.I don't even mind leaving this place.Seriously,i dont mind.

Then,up to here-

2010-10-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

I feel so helpless.I don't even know what i'm doing anymore.Really...I feel so so so lost.What's got into me? I wanna be happy for real again.
:'(

Then,up the here-

2010-10-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

School is starting next week and i dread it.I don't wanna study programming again.I hate all that shit that i'm studying which i know won't bring me anywhere.Sometimes i really have the urge to stop studying and just go pursue a singing career.I don't even mind being a trainee in SM forever.At least i would be doing something that i like and not whatever i'm doing now.uhhh this is killing me.I know i dont have a voice thats fantastically melodious but i can still train and practice for a better and more powerful one,right? I really really really wanna do this ): If only my flight was on a sunday ,then i could have taken a train down to apukjeong and go for the SM walk in audition.sigh,what to do now?I missed my opportunity.I don't even know when i'll go over to Korea again.And i don't think SM will hold an audition in singapore.
I heard that JPY is holding one in sg soon and im really tempted to go for it.But its JPY...i want SM D:
tsk,why am i even thinking so much when i don't even think i can make it in!?!?!??! Oh well,wake up already,mc!!! Time to face the reality and start studying real soon ):

Then,up to here-

And i love my friends <3

2010-10-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

She doesn't know what she is doing anymore.She is so confused, so lost and so puzzled about her life .Nothing is going on right now,really nothing.She is just leaving everything aside,leaving things to rot.She doesn't want school to start,She don't want to face anybody.It may seem like everybody is with her but in actual fact,not all of them are.
Humans are so scary.Why do people have to change?She hates changes,she dislikes changes.She don't want anything or anyone around her to change.People are slowly removing their masks and showing their true selves.Its so scary,too terrifying for her to accept.One can just turn around and say " i don't know you " within days or even hours.She thought she was prepared for everything,but apparently she is not.
How can someone be so...scary? She doesn't want to change and would never want to.
one by one...everybody is leaving.And one fine day,she would be alone.All alone by herself,not knowing what to do,where to go and how to continue.
How is she going to go on?If only fairy tales exists,if only magic exists.Its just so hard to trust someone completely.

I know i would be okay.But when will i be?I just need to rant once in a while.After all the pretending and hiding,its about time i should take a break.When can i do what i want and what i can?When can i do things my way?

I just hope that nobody walks in and out of my life as and when they like anymore.I know i shouldn't depend on anyone but...I really can't help it.That's me,that's my personality,my weakness.Maybe i should just go get some sleep now,that's the only way to escape.

Most imortantly,i don't wanna depend on you anymore.

Then,up to here-

2010-09-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

I hate my family.I hate her.why can't she just get it that she is actually a very lucky old woman? Whatever,im just gonna shower and leave this cursed house asap.I don't even wanna come back here anymore.This is not even a home.Its hell.

Then,up to here-

2010-09-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

uhh seriously hate my stomach for being so weak.Im like currently having gastric and its totally not a good thing cause i need to get ready to head to the airport soon.Actually...having gastric alone is already a bad thing -.-

okay,its like 4:56 am now,i should be getting ready soon.I dont know why but im not really that excited and all even though going korea (FREE AND EASY NOT WITH TOUR) was like WHOA to me but yeah.Im still thinking if i should go SM for their weekly audition.HAHAH OH WELL.i really dont mind since my hotel is gonna be so near SM. But again with the same issue,im afraid of failures.Im such a problematic girl.

And also,I'm slowly letting go i guess.I thought i would need more time but yeah not really,who cares ^^

Sigh,a week after im back,i would be receiving my results.I'm totally gonna remodule a few modules.A FEW,NOT ONE.
okay,i shall rest in bed for a while and then go shower and all.Bye peeps.

I'm so gonna miss everyone D:

Then,up to here-

2010-09-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

I need distractions,i need a new cg or whatever shit to distract me and bring me away.I'm just gonna keep finding things to do to flood myself until i go korea next sunday.I just can't wait to get crazy in shopping and all there just with my mum and sis.Kinda glad that my dad is not following us cuase he would be going to shanghi for some business shit.So yeah,can shop in peace :D

I seriously think im suffering from major insomnia.I only had 4 hours of sleep today and im still not tired AND its already 4:22 am now.Oh gosh,im so not normal.

I hope i wont be late tmr.Gonna meet nic and aloy for L4d2 session^^ and they asked me to ask debbie along cause lack of one player,heehee :) I feel like some game addict now but yeah,whatever :D And aloy still told me they wanna play for like a few hours,i shall get ready for my eyeballs to burn and head to burst.

Okay,shall try to sleep now,my head is starting to hurt already.Night peeps.
Oh and photobucket sucks,the pictures are not showing except for that scary picture of me -.-
Sigh,shall fix it tmr or something.

Then,up to here-

2010-09-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

When everything started,I kept telling myself to not expect anything out from you cause i know i won't get anything in return.So,I kept telling myself that "the day" would be coming soon and it always turned out to be a false alarm.And slowly,i took it for granted.Unfortunately,I gradually got used to you.Finally, when it came,i broke down and collapsed.Its just so stupid and foolish to fall into the black hole.

i swear i'm so over him,i just wanna be friends.Cause i think its such a pity for this fun friendship to just end silently like this.Well,i've tried but yeah,things didnt really work out.I'm so tired.I'm trying even harder than i used for almost everything that i do now.Its draining all my energy away.I don't even know what im typing now,i dont even think the whole chunk of words above make any sense at all.

Sometimes,i just feel like being drunk forever.so i can forget everything and just move on crazily and insanely.When im drunk,i can cry all i want,spout all sorts of nonsense,and say whatever that i want and i would be forgiven since im drunk.I could be in my own lala land.

I have no choice but to go on pretending and acting like as if im the happiest girl on Earth.

Then,up to here-

2010-09-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

okay,went for my one day job and folded tonsssss of envelopes and obviously got a few paper cuts which are like damn pain ): uh-huh.
So jolene met me for lunch and then i went to meet her and debbie after work:) Debbie was mugging at starbucks,but apparently she couldn't concentrate cause she was starving so we left.haha.
And,one bad news is that ,skinny jiu jiu died D: my gm wrapped it in tissue and placed it aside to wait for me to come home to bury it.So i went to bury it with my sister and her bf(zabashi).Poor jiu jiu ): Also,Happy went to the vet today and the doctor shaved his tummy so that she could do some weird scan ): Poor Happy. i really dont like to see him suffer but i really dont wanna let him go.

Then,up to here-

Bet you forgotten all about me.

2010-08-31T07:48:00.000-07:00

okay,Clarissa finally helped zoe to upload all the pictures so these are the pictures from 2 weeks ago except for the pasta waraku and cold rock part ! ; Bowling,cooking at my house,winkle mall flea,Baybeats and L4D2,pasta waraku and cold rock ice cream :D

I'm too lazy and tired to blog about stuff,so im just gonna dump a whole lot of pictures here :D

Love the usuals :)

Will update about the pohtengs tmr after xiuqi upload all the pics and stuff :D

Then,up to here-

2010-08-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

I hate to be alone and i hate the moon.The moon makes me think about things which apparently i dont want to think about and it would make me do things that are absurd.

I used to feel that i've always been the one trying and giving in.But after today,i realised that,i was wrong.I'm not a good friend and i dont know how to manage my time and friends.I would neglect certain people around me once in a while and im really very sorry.I didn't mean to do this to you.I know you've been suffering alone silently,im utterly sorry.I dont know what else to say besides sorry.I'm such a bad person,i dont know how to think before i speak,i dont know how to put myself in someone else's shoes.I dont know how to think in other perspective.I feel so stupid.I'm already 17 and i still dont know how to think for myself and others.
I feel like im such a failure in life.I can't study well,I dont know how to balance my cycle of friends,i gave up on my piano after grade 4 and I stopped singing class after 3 years of training.What am i doing?Just what do i want?I really don't know what i want.
sometimes,i feel that i go for singing class for nothing.Like so what if i join competitions and all,does it help?Like as if i would really be a singer.Thats all bullshit dreams and dreams dont come true and would never come true.I really thought of going over to korea for SM training and whatever shit when i knew that i was posted to rp with such a lousy course.But yeah,i got into Np instead.I really dont know what i live for.I mean,seriously,whats the point of living?Whats the point of me being here?I dont have a goal in life and i can't be bothered about the things around me.i really dont know what to do to help myself.I dont even know what i wanna be when i grow up.Whatever that i want are just dreams.Whats the point of having a dream when it wont even come true?
And its really silly of me to let this shit affect me so much.It made me shut myself away from my friends.I dont really tell any of them my problems anymore because im so sick,so sick of telling them the same thing thats making me cry.Im so darn sick of crying over the same damn thing again and again.But i just can't control,i cant stop myself.And i also dont wanna tell anyone cause they all have their own problems,i really dont want anyone to dwell over my problems cause its all so stupid.I really wanna forget everything.I can't take it anymore,i would really go nuts one day if this goes on.i can't sleep well at all,AT ALL.I sleep at 6am almost everyday.I have to make my eyeballs burn so i can sleep.Even if i dont breakdown mentally,my body would.
This is probably karma.I really think its karma,retribution i guess.
But seriously...when is this going to end?I'm so tired,im really very very very tired.

Then,up to here-

And something to make this post slightly cheerful,I got a new bunny and its still nameless.Oh,and its a boy.Really hope it would live well.

2010-08-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

Its 5:13 am and im still awake claying.sigh,okay, back from class chalet :D had quite a lot of fun except for the drunk part and all,besides that everything was quite awesome :)
finally met clarice after so many weeks <3 missed her a lot and we had hours of heart to heart talk while the rest were playing majiong and all.
Thats when i realised that im actually someone with many problems.Realised that im always the one trying and all but the outcome is still the same.Be it friendship or studies or curshes,im always trying.And its really very tiring,its killing me.She then told me to stop trying,to stop giving in and to stop whatever that im doing now.Should i really stop?Is that the right thing to do?I really dont want to regret again cause im already regretting in whatever that i've done( in the past and now ).
Im too afraid to face anything now and i also do not wish to face them.I just wanna run away.
And i also realised that im really good in helping others with their problems except for my own.Why is that so?I really need someone to help me .Where is my fairy god mother?Why is my guardian angel?Or is it that i dont even have one? Well,i guess fairytale dont exist so i wont have one, and i will never.

Then,up to here.

And i dont think i can ever forget you,your name is everywhere.And stupid fb keeps prompting me to write on your damn wall or send you a message-.- even if i refresh the page or X it away,IT WILL STILL BE THERE.GOSH,IS GOD TRYING TO KID ME NOW!?

2010-08-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

If only the scientists didnt give up on inventing a time machine,how nice would that be?I would go back in time and fix everything.I would undo and redo whatever i've done wrong.
i'm really very tired.i'm exhausted .I can't go on anymore,i give up.Im not gonna try anymore,its draining all my energy away.Nothing is going right now,one problem after another.
And why dont i think before i speak?Thats my problem since forever.I always dont think before i speak and then end up getting myself into a whole lot of shit.If only i speak of the right things,i would be living my life off a lot happier.
This happened way too many times.This happened to my old friends, also to the new ones and even to my family.Just what the fck is wrong with me?Why can't i just think before i speak?I feel like im a bad person,a bad friend,a bad daughter and a bad grand daughter.I really dont know what to do now.I dont even know what i want.Can the world just end so that everything will just disappear?I dont wanna think and ponder or whatever shit anymore.Seriously feel like leaving this place,this country.Maybe my mother's idea of going over to Perth wasnt that bad actually...right?

I guess im gonna give myself a break before i start trying again.Im always the one trying.I dont have the guts to REALLY give up.Guess thats the nature of a Cancer.Seriously hate my star sign.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

If only im someone who won't look back.I just realised that friends are really very important.I really do treasure friendships. And i will also try my best to salvage any of them which are drifting.Regardless of old friends or new friends,i still treasure them.So from now onwards,i'm gonna be nice to everyone and save any friendships that are drifting or already drifted :)

I just think its very sad when friends who used to talk or text everyday just stop talking to each other.I just realised this when i was browsing through and reading all the old text msges from everyone in my inbox.So,wish me luck peepos :]

Then,up to here-

2010-08-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

The usuals came over for Horror movies marathon today!haha watched uninvited,quarantine and zombieland.It wasnt really really REALLY scary but yeah,still scary.It was more of gross,gruesome and bloody.HAHA.
so went to the supermarket with zoe in the morning after her class ended,and we cooked pasta together when the rest came and apparently clarissa was the latestttt :D it was so yummy and good,i think we can open a cafe together.HAHA KEEEEDING:D
we sat on the sofa for like close to 7 hours and then ordered pizza hut and had our favourite sweet n' spicy drumlets and Hawaiian pizza without pineapples.HEEHEE:) today was awesome and fun:]

And the good thing is that,i'm over it,at least a little more now.I guess? :)

Then,up to here-

2010-08-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

Trust me,if this goes on,i'm gonna run away from home one day.Just try me,i will.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Please just stop those dreams. Anybody?Somebody?Save me.Please...):

Then,up to here-

2010-08-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

okay,spent my day baking and watching some hongkong drama that Boomer rented.Gonna pass a box of cornflake to desmond tmr,hope he won't die from eating them.HAHA.

im so tired,my eyeballs are burning now but i just refuse to sleep.haha.

What should i do during the 10 weeks of holidays? if i can't get a job,i think im gonna learn a new instrument or something.I shouldn't waste my holidays idling around.

Things are slightly better now.Went out with Michelle yesterday and we are now back to normal:) im so glad :)

I don't know if im used to everything now or am i just pretending so much till i dont know even know how im feeling?Whatever it is,i dont have a choice.I just need to adapt quickly.So yeah,i might just go on pretending unknowingly.Even though im feeling like crap half the time,I can't tell anyone;Thats cause I'm the "Crazy and cheerful " Majesta,cause the people around me are too busy with their lives and their own problems that im also helping with.How can they help me when i'm helping them at the same time?My friends have their own problems,i shouldn't bother them too much.But really,I brought this upon myself.I do deserve this.

At least its the holidays now, a good time for things to blend and get into place.So please,hurry up.I can't take this any longer.

If only i kept my bloody mouth shut,this wouldn't happen.If only i could control my emotions and thoughts.If only i could go back in time,i wouldn't do it.

I really miss texting you.I totally regretted it.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm in a mess now.I dont't know whats going on.Nothing is going on right now; my retests,cg,michelle and some other hidden problems which i'm too lazy to list it down cause its really quite a number of them.i'm suppose to be revising accs now but apparently im not-.-

I really miss Michelle.I miss how close we used to be.I guess we are just too busy with our lives.i dont know whats wrong with me ,i wanna talk to her but im too lazy to call her.since when am i even this lazy?She used to be a very very impt friend to me.no,i mean she is still important to me even though we have drifted quite a lot...uh what happened to me? ): I was never like this.I'm not trying,i'm not putting in any effort.
I hate the current me.I wanna go back so badly.I totally hate the shit that i'm going through now.
I just can't wait to go korea next month.A good 8 days to forget everything that happened.I wanna run away from everything so badly.I need michelle to help me.I need to talk to her ): I wanna talk to her D: All i can say is that i brought everything upon myself and i deserve it.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

okay,went to school for UR meeting and then headed to bugis to meet desmond for accounting.i really pity him cause he has to teach a noob in accs -.- but yeah,he was nice and patient.I shall bake something for him someday.

Went to meet the usuals and then had dinner at isabelle's :) her family is so cute and nice :D

I'm gonna flood myself with things to do for this period of time so i won't have time to think about stupid things.

Plan for this week :

wednesday - Study for Bs retest

thursday - meet desmond again after bs test for accounting and then go back home to study for accs retest or maybe meet clarice,aloysius and nich for movie,not sure yet.

friday - go find the usuals after my paper.

I dont have plans for saturday and sunday YET.but yeah ,i think im gonna ask michelle out since the last time i saw her was 2 weeks ago.

Thats my boring life for now.I really need to make myself busy. okay,don't worry.This whole shit will end soon.So just wait ,okay?everything would be fine,not to worry.you will get used to this silence in no time.

I really wanna clarify things but i'm afraid to know the truth.I hate truths.I don't wanna know anything.What's wrong with me?I don't even know what i want.This is dumb,i feel stupid and silly.I need to move on.I'm waiting for something that is not gonna happen.I know that fact but i don't know why i'm still waiting.Silly me.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-10T02:50:00.000-07:00

OKAY,I REGRETTED.WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PRIDE?!GOSH,thats it.im gonna hide already.IM GONNA HIDE ASAP.

2010-08-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

Monday

Debbie and Clarissa came over today and accompanied me :D Jolene saved me on sunday and the both of them saved me today :) Finally,two days of house warming is over!! i so don't see the point in having house warming when we already moved in for close to 4 months-.- yeah,watched The fourth kind which wasn't very scary so we watched blood pledge instead.even though its my 2nd time watching it,ITS STILL SCARY.goshhhh,i was just texting away.i didn't dare to look.
Then isabelle came over and we headed to vivo for dinner with zoe :D So happy to have dinner with everyone in The usuals.

I feel so useless.I can't even bring myself to ignore you.I hate you and myself.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-09T03:52:00.000-07:00

okay,you know what?I give up.I'm not gonna try anymore.I'm gonna ignore him from NOW ON.I'm gonna pretend that he didnt exist.I don't want to see his name,i don't want to know anything about him,i don't want to even see him online.Or else i would never be able to forget him.
You can do this,Majesta.I'm sure you can.He is just some guy who don't give a damn about you,why bother?I'm sure you still can be happy and cheerful without him in your life.No,wait.He wasn't even in your life previously and you were still happy.so yeah,YOU.DONT.NEED.HIM.YOU DONT NEED A GUY.you've always been alone and happy.All you need is your girlfriends.I'm so sick and tired of the whole "Happy and sad" repetition cycle that you're giving me.I've had enough.I'm not gonna care anymore.
Your presence is a curse,you are one big lemon.The biggest lemon i've ever met.I can still be as happy as i was without you lingering around in my life.Seriously wish that we've never met.

Then,up to here-

The fact that i can't let you go is cause i think i really really like you.I hate you for being real.Why can't i just live in my own lala land and continue with my dreams and imagination?I feel so silly and stupid now.Thank you for at least treating me as a friend .Goodbye.

2010-08-08T01:28:00.000-07:00

Who am i to say you need me?
Who am i to ask "Where are you now?"
Who am i to ask "Who are you with now?" I won't even dare to ask.
Who am i to even care for you?
Who am i to even think about you ?
Who am i to even talk to you?
Who am i to text you?
Who am i to call your name?
Who am i cross the line of friendship?

I don't mean anything to you,i'm no one.Or maybe...just friends?

Then,up to here-

2010-08-07T04:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know.

2010-08-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

okay,its finally the end of CTs,but i still have 2 retests next week -.- zzz. but yeah,i still have time so i shall slack a little now :)

Met the usuals,merl and sofea today :D ate A LOT and L4D2-ed for 3 hours which is why my head hurts now.haha all thanks to zoe lahhhh,what an addict ,heehee :]

Love the usuals' company,i feel so comfortable with them.I can tell them anything.Things including issues on cg.

Speaking of cg,i seriously have no idea if i should i tell him.This is a major and stupid dilemma thats killing me day by day.uhhh,whatever,i shall just see how things go.

My eyes are like half closed now,im super duper tired.But im too lazy to dry my hair and all.my head hurts like crap now D: and seriously,MY STOMACH SHOULD JUST GET A LIFE.I KEEP GETTING GASTRIC FOR NO GOOD REASON.IF THIS CONTINUES,I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN SUFFER THE PAIN.

okay,enough of ranting.i shall continue to stone in front of my laptop screen till my eyeballs burn.

Goodnight fellows.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

So how now?What should i do?Its already friday,the end of CTs which is also the last day of school.This is the worst dilemma ever.

Then,up to here-

2010-08-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

Then,up to here-

2010-08-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

If only you knew ):

Then,up to here-

2010-08-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

okay,you know what?
I hate myself.I feel like i'm some bitch now.Trying to make myself hate him but on the other hand,trying to be his friend.What are you trying to do ,majesta?Get a life please.

Then,up to here-
I think i really like him and i hate it.Why him?Should i just confess to him?but im a girl...and i think we would just end up being strangers after that.seriously,im really curious of how he feels towards me.sigh,why do i even bother?Majesta,you should know he won't fall for you.There are so many better looking girls out there.please,im begging you,just forget it.on the outside,i act like as if i dont care and all but actually,i do care.
And i really enjoy your company.Please talk to me forever.I never expected myself to like someone so much.It disgust me.since when am i even like this?I was never like this.I hate the current Majesta.I want my life back.

When is this gonna end?

2010-07-28T01:10:00.000-07:00

Met debbie for dinner today and we had an awesome heart-to-heart talk.We were ranting like no body's business,haha.I love her so much <3
gonna lose someone who is very important to me soon.I'm still trying my best to save this friendship,please bless me with luck.I have so many problems,its like one after another.fml,seriously.I need to talk to someone who is totally not involved in my life.Maybe even a stranger,someone who has no connections to my friends.But apparently,yeah,no one.
okay,gonna dry my hair and then revise half-heartedly for my bs test.

~Day1 of trying to erase you from my life.

Then,up to here-

2010-07-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

There are so many things going through my head now,its too much for me to handle.There are too many changes in my life which apparently i can't accept.I'm tired of pretending to be happy,i'm tired of being so depressed and emotional half the time.I'm tired of ranting to people about my life which i think nobody would actually even care or listen.Everything is crashing down on me;my studies, friendships,Happy's health and lastly,him.

Happy went to the vet on saturday and the doctor told us that its either this week or next.I still can't believe it,i can't bring myself to accept this cruel fact.I hope she made a mistake.Even though i hate to admit it but he is really suffering now.He cant breathe properly,he is in pain.Should i just let him go?If i do,then who is gonna welcome me whenever i get home?He is just so lovable,i can't let him go.i knew that he would leave us one day but i just dont expect it to be so soon.I really really really hope he wont go D: please,Waffles just left only,im not ready for another blow.The sight of him lying on floor,gasping for air is already making my heart ache.

As for him, i really have no idea whats going on now.It seems like everything that happened a few months back is being erased.I'm just an ordinary girl.I've tried my best but nothing seems to be working.He is always the cause of everything and at the same time,he fixes everything.Everytime when im determined to forget him ,he would just pop out and be nice to me.And when he is done leading me on,he would just turn around and leave.I know i may be too sensitive but this is really how i feel.I've never liked someone so much before and i have no idea why i picked him.He is not the best looking guy on earth,his attitude ain't that great,he is annoying(okay,actually most of the guys are annoying to me,so yeah) and a lot more flaws.He is just not an ideal guy.But it seems like,he is the only exception i can and will make.
I have no idea what i want now; to forget him and move on,continue trying or just let him know?but dude,i'm a girl-.- see,this is the reason why i wanna be a guy,so i can initiate all i want.
sometimes,he would make me feel like as if im not good enough for him or too ugly for him.He makes me feel ugly,both inside and out.I'm always prepared for the worst,but this time,i think i can't.For him and Happy.
I hate myself for trying.it was a mistake.i shouldn't have made him my friend,i wasnt even so into him when i first saw him.I just treated him as some random eyecandy on my list.If time can be rewound,i would rather not know him as a friend.Then i wouldnt be suffering on my own now.
sometimes,i really wonder if he knows about my feelings towards him but yeah ,whatever.I dont care anymore.I'm gonna try to forget him all over again.and if i cant,i will be back to rant.

I love you,Happy.Please don't die,I promise to treat you to bacon bits,okay?

Then,up to here-

2010-07-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

I hate to cry,i really do.My eyes would be super swollen the next day,face puffed up, i would just look like shit.Crying is really tiring.
People always say," Cry,just cry,you will feel a lot better " yeah right,i would only feel better for an hour or two and my problem would still exist.If only crying can solve my problems,i would cry till i go blind.
I wanna be happy again.I wanna be cheerful again.I really dont know how to say or describe how horrible my life is now.I think,one day,just one fine day,i would really commit suicide.dont be surprised to see me on news,dudes.

The moment i saw you walking away with her,i thought i was going to die.Why dont i get what i want?Why cant i get what i want?The moment you talk to me,i couldnt resist but to smile no matter how terrible i feel.Why do i like you so much?I like you so much till im even grossed out by myself. I wanna be numb,make me numb.I wanna be cold blooded like a shark.I wanna be a person with no feelings.Please grant my wish.
And lastly,dont take Happy away from me.Please...

Then,up to here-

2010-06-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

It has been 4 days since Waffles left .I wonder if she is fine now.I know some people wont understand how terrible i feel now as they may think it as "nah,its just an animal,there is no big deal". Well, sad to say,Waffles is not just a rabbit to me.She is like part of my family.
I miss her soft fur.I used to cuddle and hug her as i watch tv.She loves it when people stroke her head,she would just close her eyes and enjoy the affection.
She is a really special rabbit.She was really fierce and violent,haha.She would grunt like a dog at you if you were to use something to poke her.She would even bite you and i think she bit me ten thousand times already.
She loves to chew on my stuff.She would crawl under my table and bite my books.She would even sneak into my wardrobe and chew on my clothes.That's why most of my PJs have holes.haha she was annoying but yet so adorable.I would spank her butt whenever she bites my stuff and I'm sorry.If she could come back now,i wont mind letting her chew on all my things.
She is so cute and pretty.Why must god take her away?Did she do anything wrong?Or did I do anything wrong?She was merely 1 when she died.
I regretted neglecting her ever since poly started.I was too busy hanging out with my friends and trying to cope with my school work( which apparently didn't work).And i just realised that i love Happy even more now that Waffles is gone.Happy is even more important to me than Waffles even though i love Waffles as well.
I miss Waffles.Whenever i see any waffle shop,i would think of her.Today,during lunch break,Sofea kept asking me if there is any stall selling Waffles in canteen two.I paused for a moment,trying to hide my feelings and to act normal.But its okay,i have to get use to it anyway."Waffles" is so commonly used,its everywhere.At least this would make me remember her forever.
It made me really sad when i saw her suffering the few days before she passed away.I guess...its also good for her to leave as she would not be in pain anymore.But i just don't expect her to go so soon.The main reason why we bought her is because we were afraid that we will have no one else after Happy pass away.This is ironic,she died even before him.
All my pets are dying;Happy is a sick dog,he can only live for a year the most.And my jiu jius are going to turn 2 soon.Hamsters cant live for more than 2 years except for a few cases.Besides, they are so fat so i doubt they can live for more than 2 years.
I'm not used to not having any pets at home.I had Happy when i was 8.For more than half of my life,I'm living with animals.I love them so much.Why am i even an animal lover?If only I'm not,i wouldn't this depressed now. It really hurts my heart to see an animal die,especially my own beloved pets.

Earlier,my sister was talking to me about Waffles.She asked me if i think we can find another rabbit just like her.I really hope we can.I don't know if I'm hallucinating or what,but i think I keep hearing the sound of waffles scratching and jumping in her cage.I think i miss her too much and I'm so used to hearing it every night as i sleep the latest in my family.

I really really really miss you,Waffles.Please come back,i'll let you have all the raisins in the world.I'll let you chew on my things,I'll let you scratch me.Please just come back.At least let me hug you before you go.You've been a good bunny.Hope you're doing fine at the other side of the rainbow.Don't look back and go reincarnate to another rabbit so we can buy you and you can be our cute Waffles again.

Then,up to here-

2010-06-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

okay,its like 5 am now.Im not planning to sleep,just gonna sleep in the bus later.hahaha.
okay,im suppose to be super excited now but apparently,im not.This is sad,really sad.Some unpleasant stuff happened a few days ago and im still not over it.
Im just pretending to be fine.Im pretending so much till it has became a habit.I wonder how is Michelle now.I guess she is probably having tons of fun in genting with her cousins now.I guess its really the end of everything,she knows about it already.sigh,what is thisssss?how did things even turn out this way,what have i done ? D: Its partially my fault.Everything around me just reminds me about her.I was packing my luggage earlier and i found a box of gifts and letters that she gave me last time.we were so close,so attached to each other.What happened?Those letters are so precious to me to me now.I seriously wish to go back to my secondary school life when everything was so in place.i really dont know how to save this friendship.I want this friendship back.I would trade for anything just to get it back.Im gonna try and make things right when im back from genting on friday,wish me luck.

okay,i need to wash up and change soon.Im just gonna have fun for the next few days and forget all those crappy problems.Im gonna unleash the crazy and rowdy majesta,the old me later :D HAHA.Thats the real me ; rowdy,crazy,insane,lame,childish,spastic and retarded.im so sick and tired of being glam all the time.seriously,BEING GLAM 24/7 IS SUPER TIRING. I WANNA BE A GUY !!!
im gonna go change and stuff now.hope i didnt forget to bring anything,i have A VERY STRONG feeling that i forgot something.its okay,i shall just panic when i realise that i forgot something later.HAHA :D im panic queen,you see.
And there is gonna be a class outing tmr and i cant go D: i obviously cant split my short body into two-.-
okay,gonna go off now(FOR REAL),bye peeps.And i will miss you.

Then,up to here-

2010-06-08T04:11:00.000-07:00

I had fever for 6 days so i went to the doctor again this morning. i dragged myself there and did a sudden blood test which almost took my puny life.haha.The doctor was super random.He looked at me for a moment and said:
Doc:okay,lets do a blood test.
Me: ahh..its okay,i dont think i need one
Doc: it wont hurt abit.Let me see your hand.
Then he just grabbed my hand and started hitting my elbow crook.I thought he was kidding-.- yeah,so i was like squeezing my phone and looking away and he extracted my blood SLOWLY.I could totally feel the needle stuck in my elbow crook for a minute or so.i didnt dare to move an inch cause i was afraid that the needle might break.HAHA.yeah,then he went on by telling me that i've got a lung infection and a mild gastric flu blah blah blah.I was so sick of being sick so i wasn't really very very shock to hear that.Xiuqi had both of it before and she made it through,so i guess i can too.haha.
So i have another 2 days of mc which also means that i will miss 2 papers.It feels really weird when everyone is at school and i'm not.Its like as if im some abnormal kid.sigh,okay.Just finished oovoo-ing with debbie and isabelle.And i just realised the time;4:09 am.im so dead.okay im gonna sleep NOW. Fever, be a good boy okay,dont come back okay,go to someone whom karma hasn't punish yet.
okay, and i so dont look forward to a new day cause a new day would just mean more medication and porridge.wow,how fascinating.

Then,up to here-

2010-06-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

uhhh,common tests are next week and im still not mugging.I wont be surprise if i dont do well cause i didnt put in any effort and i know that i wont understand a thing despite all the effort put in if i were to mug.But i guess i still have to try.uh,seriously,i hate to try.

I just cant wait for the 2 weeks break cause i would be going to genting with the usuals and boiboi :D and i wanna clay.i think i've lost my ability already.i tried claying 3 weeks back and i couldn't even clay a doughnut properly so i threw them all away at the end -.- And i cant wait to catch up with ne chan and michelle <3

Okay,and i hope i wont fall sick cause im already coughing non-stop now and im losing my voice.i dont wanna miss my common tests cause i dont wanna be the odd one out.but yeah,i still have 7 days to fall sick and then recover before the common tests.hahaha:)

uhhh,i wanna eat my marshmellows but i cant D: Its right next to me,staring at me.Its telling me to eat it.seriously,i wanna eat it D: OH WELL,eating one wont hurt :D OKAY,I APPROVE MYSELF TO EAT IT :P heehee :D
muahahhaah.
okay,i guess i should stop here and then fake study.

Then,up to here-

2010-05-27T01:13:00.000-07:00

I feel so silly.

2010-05-25T00:30:00.000-07:00

I feel so helpless,hopeless and useless.Most of all,i feel really pathetic.When will this be even over?Im still waiting.Please do not make me wait too long as i know im gonna collapse soon.Thanks.

2010-05-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

Went out with Michelle today <3 YAYYY:D i told her i miss and she said that she missed me too :D awww and then we hugged like how we did in the past :D im so happy :D yeah,we settled down at Shaw and then we did some work.And then we saw rachel and delores!Delores is really preeeeetty now !!!hahaha i couldn't stop staring at her ^^ okay,that sounded so wrong.hahahha!
Even though my parents were being unreasonable and were annoying me big time,its okay.Im not affected by it anymore. Im not gonna let them destroy my happy day :) YAY :D

bought lots of hair accessories today!YAYYYYYYYYY :D okay,sorry.ignore that please :)

Im currently mugging now :] and im trying to explain to someone about the moon analogy.The moon is really powerful,beware.im sure Debbie knows.
AND OBVIOUSLY THAT SOMEONE DONT GET THE MOON CONCEPT!!!hahaha i dont know what to say.I only can say good luck to you.hahaha

okay i shall continue to mug and talk crap online.Night peeps.I hope Mr sweet dreams would come to your doorstep.

Then,up to here-

2010-05-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired.But everything is not done yet,so i can't sleep;my hair is still wet,i still need to brush my teeth and go switch off the lights in the living room.But i slept for 30 mins with my hair wet.hahaha, my curls are so messy now,i look like a crazy poodle.

Its finally the weekends.This week was totally hectic.I would always panic at the end of each day cause of schoolwork.uhhh,seriously,this is taking my life.
On thursday,I stayed in school till 9pm doing the stupid accs project.I re-did it for 4 freaking times and i almost died.I dont even know why i cried but yeah,i guess i was too stressed cause i really put in lots of effort trying to finish it.but yeah,its over :D

Went to watch shrek with clarice today :] the movie was okay, funny,sweet and touching but i guess its a little too short? hahaha.And clarice caught me crying when it was the touching part,damn it.HAHA.i was sort of tearing plus a little of crying ,not really crying.hahha okay,skip.

I called michelle earlier and we talked for a little while.I updated her with my life and she updated me with hers.For the first 15 mins of the conversation,we were kinda quiet.It was so awkward.And she is going out with diyanah tmr despite the fact that i asked her first.I really dont get it.how can our friendship be compared to hers?I've known her for 13 years and best friends for 5.goshhh,the moon is acting on me now D: Debbie,im in it with you now.I really miss michelle badly.I miss those days when we can spend hours on the phone crapping away,going to the airport for fun and doing other crazy stuff.I wanna retrieve those memories back.I dont know why im taking this so seriously but im that kind who really treasure friendships especially long terms ones.i dont know why she can let it go so easily without any effort.She is like spending everyday happily while im emoing away with the moon.i hate to be so depressed and emotional.I wasnt like this last time.I used to be cheerful and bubbly all the time.even though i may still be cheerful and all now but i would feel really tired at the end of the day.This just plainly means that im pretending.I need to stop pretending.I think i really dont know what to do if i dont have the usuals and jolene with me.They are the only ones i have left now.okay,i should really stop crying.I've been crying really often nowadays and i detest it.Im like always crying over everything,since when am i so weak??!!?!?!??!I need to learn to be strong.This cant go on,i would either go crazy or blind one day.And i realised that my posts are always so long cause i always have something to rant about everyday.uhhh,i wanna be a kid again.Then i would not have troubles,even if i have,it would just be over silly issues like which toy i want or which lollipop i want.

I feel like stuffing myself with jelly beans now.I think thats the only way that can make feel slightly better.okay,im not normal.

I hope tmr would be a better day .Moon,go away.Please dont affect me and my friends.I've had enough,so stop reminding me of how pathetic i am now.Thank you.

Then,up to here-

2010-05-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

Having BS now,and we just got back our test paper.I just passed,but yeah whatever.And i got this really stupid careless mistake WHICH IS BRINGING THE WRONG SIGN OVER.okay yes,lets not talk about it.ITS OVER.

Today shall be my rotting and no life day.I shall go home straight after school and do my work and revision.I was out the whole day yesterday so that shall be my punishment.hahaha.

Had lunch with jolene,clarice and xiuqi earlier :D I miss having recess with the pohtengs D:
And i still have to tolerate boredom till 5pm today D: JUST MURDER ME! seriously, and i need to sleep.My eyes have been burning ever since last night.I THINK IM GONNA GO BLIND.uhhh,Im still contemplating if i should endure my deprivation of sleep or just take a nap.This is dilemma for the day.
okay,i guess i should just stop here and stone.

Then,up till here-

2010-05-20T03:16:00.000-07:00

Went to meet Debbie,Isabelle,Clarissa and Zoe today <3 it was awesome despite the fact that i was dead tired.hahaha,we talked and laughed a lot.I love the usuals :D they make me forget all my troubles.Seriously,whenever im with them,i feel so comfortable and relax.I can say and do whatever i want,i dont have to hide or pretend.We are at Tioman now :D haha,will be back on monday ^^ hahaha.Twitter rocks please :D

We talked about the usual stuff; isabelle and clarissa's friendship issue,zoe's Hg issue,Debbie's issues and mine.i've not talked to Michelle properly on the phone for about 3 days?Im feeling so awkward now.I guess i really miss her thats why i took the initiative to ask her out.Debbie and all were like scolding me for asking her out!hahaha but seriously,i can't just give up like that righttt.She is my bestie for so many years already D: how can i just leave her alone? I really can't do it.They kept saying that im always there for her but she was never there when i needed her.Its not 100% true but just partially true huh,yeah? Its okay that nobody is there for me but i just want the people around me to be happy.So i would try my best to accomodate and be a considerate friend :] I really miss talking to michelle D: im just too busy to even call.When im free ,which is like after 12 am,she would be sleeping already.So there is really no way i can talk to her.sigh,seriously i hate this whole best friend thing.I shouldnt even have one in the first place.Now i really know why some people dont want and dont believe in best friends.I guess michelle and i are a really good example.But its okay:D im still gonna try my best to make things right :D

Im super vexed now cause of schoolwork and some other really silly issues.I shall not elaborate much cause i would just end up crapping away.But today,there was one point of time when i felt so useless and helpless.everybody was at home doing therir work while i was out.Then when i finally reached home,Clarice and all finished up the project already.uhhh,I feel super bad la.And take note,I used "feel" not "felt" so im still feeling bad now.

anyways,Its already 3:12 now,i guess i should go to bed.I shall be ugly and restless later.Night peeps.

Then,up to here-

Ps: iloveyouclaricecheng<3

2010-05-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired.Its like as if my energy is all drained off.I'm so tired of pretending.I'm so tired of acting like as if everything is perfectly fine.I'm so sick of not being myself.I'm so afraid of everything.I need to learn to be brave.This applies to everything that revolves around me; school,family,friends and stupid issues which i don't wanna care.

As for michelle,I'm still trying.I cant blame her,she doesn't know anything and i guess i should just accommodate and act like as if nothing has happened.She is just not aware of things around her.So yeah,i shall just let things be and play along.

Im starting to feel the stress of poly life.I freaking cant understand a single shit of whatever im studying.I really dont know why im in this course but yeah,i didn't have a choice.Everything is crashing down on me at the same time.And my singing competition is arriving.I was actually not bothered by it but after today,i guess i should start panicking.Tommy was kinda serious about it so yeah.I better start practising.but I shouldnt expect much,really.

Went shopping with my mother and bought lots of stuff so im feeling slightly better :D hahaha okay,im being materialistic.Anyways,when we were on our way back,she started talking about Happy.
sigh,i think he can only live for another 6 months?I wonder how my life would be without him.He is like the ultimate dog. He understands whatever that i say and stuff,and im serious,he really do.Like whenever we talk about him,he would turn and stare and raise his ears.He is just so adorable.I love him so much.
6 months ago,he almost died but Rex saved him by donating white blood cells to him.I really thought he was gonna die.My sister ,mother and i cried like nobody's business.Seriously,stupid
Lymphoma cancer.GET OUT OF MY DOG D:
I guess im gonna spend more time with him.He is like suffering everyday;coughing,choking whenever he drinks,panting non-stop and puking.I really hate to see him suffer.He is always sleeping his day away.I miss him being active and hyper ): I know i do neglect him at times but i swear that i really love him more than anything.I know his days are numbered but really hope and wish that a miracle would happen to him.Happy is really a brave boy.He went through chemotherapy 12 times,had lots of weird infections and even had water in his lungs.My poor Happyboy D:

Okay,this post is really long,i just realised that.Im done crapping.I guess should stop and go to bed.Night peeps.

Then,up to here-

2010-05-02T01:00:00.000-07:00

Okay its 2:45 am now,everyone is practically asleep .But i guess Michelle is still bathing ?hahaha
I was trying to do POA and i failed to.I freaking dont understand a shit and yeah,whatever.I'm gonna ask clarice tmr.Sigh,when can i do my work completely on my own!?I so hate this feeling.

singing class was fine even though my throat was exceptionally itchy.Waited for bus with wanzhen dongsaeng.We talked a lot and it was awesome :]
Went home for dinner cause Queena and i didn't want to go for buffet cause its a waste of time and fats.hahaha
i took a reeeeeeeeaaaaaaalllllly short nap :D after that,i started doing my work at a rate that was freaking slow.uh-huh.

Thats it,this cant go one anymore.Im gonna pay full attention in class tmr.I need to stop slacking already!MC!!!
I lied to my mother that i have cca cause of something stupid.yeah,long story so i shall not talk about it.okay,skip.
I just finished painting my nails:] i need to stop painting my nails soon,i haven't seen them colourless ever since O levels ended.Poor nails.
crap la,i have so many things to do; i need to start claying,pack my room and organise my playlists.OH,and revise my work.seriously,i need some quiet time alone.I guess i would be going to the library soon.but definitely not the school's library,i guess i would be going to the one at bugis.yup.
okay,i guess i should go pack up and sleep soon.and im having gastric again.UHHHH WHAT IS THIS!?And its that kind where by the pain would go up to my chest.I seriously think there are worms living in my stomach,thats why im always hungry and having gastric.
Having gastric in STC was awesome but having gastric in NP sucks.I need the Pohtengs to be there with me,carrying my goldbar bag and lending me a shoulder for physical support.Goshhh, i miss those days D:

okay,no point crying over spilled milk.Night sleepy heads.

PS: there is something wrong with the timing,just ignore it.

2010-04-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

okay,i guess i should revive this blog?hahaha.I'm still contemplating if i should use blogger or xanga.But for the time being i guess i would just update both.\

okay,poly just started and i dont think im used to it yet?And i dont think i wanna get used to it either.I want my life back.I feel so exposed now.I know i might not make any sense but i guess its okay as long i get what im trying to say.
My classmates are quite okay and they are all nice people.So yeah,i should continue to pretend and be the "other me" and not annoy them.I know i will need to take a break soon but i shall just wait for that day to come and then explode.
Many things are happening and im trying my best to not bother and move on.Just like those zombies in L4D2,i would just swing my sword like a mad woman and then run.I dont know whats wrong with me now,i feel so different.Where is the old me?i want the old me back,i NEED the old me back.I feel so sick of myself now.
Gonna meet debbie,zoe and isabelle tmr for l4d sessions and then grocery shopping and then down to acid bar?idk,but yeah as long as its with them,im perfectly fine.i cant wait.

its freaking 2am and im still wide awake.
I know im tired but im just not sleeping.I hope nothing amazing or shocking would happen later.My weak heart would not be able to take it.

okay,i guess i should edit this dead blog and then head to bed.I hope i would be satisfied with my dream tonight.Jonghyun would be nice?HAHAHAHA DUH!?okay,night peeps.

2009-07-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

today is a very special day:D its my birthday!haha
I've just realized that my friends around me are so sweet and they are all very impt to me.i almost cried when i saw all the birthday text messages>.<>.< THOUGH THERE ARE REALLY A LOT OF MY UNGLAM PICTURES!!i shall forgive you this time:) and its really thoughtful of you to put in SHINee and dadong videos:D and daphne,that pancake of yours!THANKS:D but when i reached home,i realised that i didn't have syrup.haha but i ate it with jam instead:D
michelle!you don't have to feel guilty that you have not given me the present!its okay!i totally understand cause i know that you broke it yesterday and didn't have the time to get it.its alright:D
and i wanna thank my gf and gm for preparing such a wonderful meal for me!i swear i ate a lot today.6 beard papas,pancakes,poh piah,desert,dinner(which is A LOT),birthday cake and grapes.
I'M GONNA GROW FAT!its okay,im going to swim soon.haha.
Ps: my date with jonghyun was GREAT!haha

Then,up to here`

2009-06-26T23:30:00.000-07:00

look the middle light is gone!thats the one that fell on onew!!!
ohoh!!and do you see this sky blue guy!?THATS JONGHYUN :D ahahah

okay,i didn't want to update my blog but i shall update you guys about ONEW.yeah though i don't really like him but i think this is way to freaky and you all should know!!

okay today(090626) SHINee went for music bank to perform.MANY BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING NOW.(eg.Michael Jackson died!!!:O)
yes,onew slipped and feel down while performing to juliette!!yeah and i think he injured his ankle cause he was limping at the end(Ps:before he fainted).yes,then at the end of music bank,he was limping and he kept rubbing his neck(idk why) while talking to ryeowook.
then when he got down the stage(oh my,this is the exciting part)then this row of huge lighting collapsed!!!and in a row there are 4 red lights,one almost fell on onew but siwon and kyuhyun managed to catch it before it fell on onew.They are like heros of the day.then onew got a shock and fainted.its kinda funny la but no!MUST NOT LAUGH!yes.then his manager piggy back him then the rest of SHINee members just followed.seriously you know!!!music bank should do something about it.all these things are not suppose to happen!!what if the lightings fall on jonghyun the next time round?!or donghae?!UH.people from music bank better watch out,i tell you.i'm watching you.

okay i totally feel like im a reporter!!!yeah but i hope onew will get well soon.sigh,i've finally found someone who is weaker than me.haha.

yes and how can Michael Jackson die!?!?!?TAEMIN AND JONGHYUN are like his big fan!!taemin imitates his dance steps and jonghyun imitates his voice.seriously!!i bet jonghyun and taemin must be feeling so terrible.

Then,up to here-

2009-06-21T23:42:00.000-07:00

okay,i think its about time i should update about how i spent my week.
went out on Wednesday,met michelle and went to fix her phone with her.then we went to vivo for a meal and we met Vanessa,Jolene Debbie and Delores.we didn't want to meet them cause we were wearing ugly clothes.haha.oh wells.but yeah,DEBBIE FOOLED US and yeah we were exposed.
also,went out with Debbie,Vanessa and Jolene on friday!we went to taka to get victor and my gf father's day present.i bought victor a green shirt and honey vinegar for my gf,yeah.then got cheated by Debbie(AGAIN) and went to PS with Debbie and jolene.we rotted at Starbucks; Debbie was playing my my ds,Jolene was reading my story and i was drinking my horrible blackcurrant drink.then we went to Times to get Jolene's book but we failed to.so we went to see chuckie and friends.hahaha.chuckie is ugly and fat,so is his girlfriend Tiffany.haha!then we tried to scare Debbie with pictures of clowns.
Danielle came and we decided to leave,yeah.
yeaterday,i went to see my sister's art exhibition and then for father's day dinner.yeah,i felt cheated.i totally wasted my time.
and finally,today.i stayed at home and only studied for 4 and half hours(including tuition,so its not that great).

seriously, i wake up at 2pm everyday,HOW CAN I STUDY PROPERLY LIKE THAT!?!uh.

Then,up to here-

2009-06-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

just came back from great world with my mother and my other gm(the nice one).my mother keeps complaining about my father and gm(the mean one) to my gm(the nice one) and me.seriously,both my gm(the mean one) and my mother are at fault.oh wait,maybe my father too.yeah,i feel so irritated whenever any of them talk to me about it.wait,its not talk,its complain.seriously you know!uh.

my mother tried to bond with me,she asked me if i want to buy new swimming costume and then teach her how to swim on sunday.seriously,its not gonna work.haha
my father too,he asked me if i want to follow him to the computer fair tmr,i bet they are trying to gain support from me cause they are both quarreling,they are still having cold war.

anyway,i shall go and bathe again and then watch music bank.night

Then,up to here.

2009-06-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

okay,i woke up at 11am and realised that im all alone at home.haha but Happy was in my room with me:D
i tried to dig out my piano scores but i failed,UH.anyways,im really hungry now,i wanted to cook noodles for myself but my maid said that she is gonna buy rice for me.and she is not here yet!UH.
i'm dying of hunger.
the weather is killing me,seriously.but its okay,i'm going to swim later,alone again.
uh,debbie is trying to force me to talk to her when she is bathing later.seriously,why is she doing this to me?!uh,
i didn't go for maths today,i feel a little guilty though.but nobody is going!well,im not sure if everybody is not going but at least dorothea and daphne are both not going.so whats the point of me going?!even if i go,i will just totally switch off my ears and do my own maths stuff.
oh my,im seriously dying from hungry and my maid still haven't leave my gm's house to come here!!!AH AH AH.
I'M REALLY HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYY.
Then,up to here-

2009-06-11T22:18:00.000-07:00

i just came back from the vet,the doctor said that happy has got this nym something cancer.he said that if the tumor doesn't decrease in size,he can only live up to 8 months.i can't believe it that this is happening.oh my,though i kinda see this coming,i didn't expect it to be so soon.i really love him though i don't really show it.i thought he could live up to at least 10.uh.my gm's dog died at 10 and she eats 3 packets of char siew rice everyday!SO WHY CAN'T HAPPY LIVE LONGER SINCE HE IS SO MUCH HEALTHIER?!

im agitated now.i don't believe that stupid old doctor,he didn't even do a blood test or shit test(jolene said it).im bringing him to another vet tmr,i hope its not true.i really really hope that doctor just want to cheat my money cause the economy is bad.

God,please bless Happy!!!i really want him to live up to at least 10 years.please bless him with good health.he is a good dog,a good boy!why are you doing this to him?!though he used to disturb me and pee on my bed,but its okay!so pleaseeeee~
even if the cancer thing is true,at least let it recover and don't let him die from it!i want him to die of old age,and not some weird disease.i promise to be a good girl,a good friend,a good daughter,a good granddaughter and a good sister.just let him live for another 2 more years!!!
oh and god,please curse that stupid doctor,he is so not efficient.he is just a con man!want to cheat my money!?stupid,and that nurse,she freaking forgot to pack in 2 medicines.and she stumbled when i asked her questions about the medicine.what kind of vet is this?!!?!?lousy,oh and there can even be a bung there.SERIOUSLY,anyways okay i know making all these comment is already a bad girl.i'm sorry god,this is the last time.

please,let happy recover!!!
i love you happy,please don't die.

Then,up to here-

2009-06-11T11:30:00.000-07:00

okay,its 2:30 AM(ps:that time up there is not accurate)and im not sleeping when i have to wake up at 9am to bring Happy to the vet.he is suffering from eye infection AGAIN.seriously,i think he will go blind soon since he is already so old.oh my,i really hope he can live for at least another 4-5 years.oh wells.

uh,i just realized that i have piles of homework waiting for me to complete.seriously,LIFE IS TOUGH!UH.im talking to dorothea now(online!),we are talking about money.haha!i can never be rich D:

my gm and gf are going to Australia to stay with my aunt for about a week.im happy and unhappy at the same time.happy cause im free from nagging and unhappy cause i won't be able to eat home cooked food!!!UH.its okay,im gonna buy sushi tmr for dinner.

oh my,and i just heard the lizard squeak.seriously,i hate lizards.JUST GET AWAY FROM ME.UH.
okay i guess i should go sleep now and hope that i will dream of something nice.
you know what i mean*winks* haha

Then,up to here.

2009-06-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

okay,after 9 months,i decided to bring this blog back alive.anyways,i woke up late today and totally missed super junior on tv.i hate myself!UH.okay,whatever.
i'm still considering on whether i should go swimming later at 5pm.cause im gonna have tuition at 7.30pm.but if im gonna swim,i will have lesser time to study.UH.i hate to have problems like this.i'm gonna gain back my swimming abilities!!!MUAHAHAHAHA!tsk,but im becoming darker.I DON'T WANT.i already became slightly darker cause i swam once last week and on monday too.seriously,sun block just doesn't works on me.i have weird skin pigment-_-

yeah okay i guess i should start work already.BYE:D
oh and happy birthday fana!(though i know she won't be reading my blog-_-)

Then,up to here-

2008-09-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

oh wow,my blogger is dead.its lantern festival today:D but oh well,nobody wants to play candles with me):
okay yeah i slept walk last night,if you wanna know the details go read my xanga.its so tiring keeping both blogs alive!uh and debbie kept giving me peer pressure by saying my blogs are dead-_- uh curse her.
okay im currently really addicted to FRED videos!UHHHHH.haha
okay i guess i should stop here.need to study.
BYE PEEPS.

2008-08-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

whats wrong with me?! i totally failed my Amaths paper,i freaking got 15/35!UH.
and my Emaths is no better,24/35!what the heck?! what was i doing?!JAMA SHINAIDE!majesta you must not fail maths!Maths is your favourite subject!omg,i so hate myself.A and E maths are one of the few subjects i pin my hopes on.Bio is also very impt to me,i better not fail it.as for chem,I TOTALLY CAN FORGET ABOUT IT.cause of some stupid reason and yeah our class did badly for it.so goodbye chem.
omg,i feel so depressed,poeple around me are getting better grades than me and what am i doing?!
its okay,im a positive girl.YES!so im gonna work hard and pull up ALL my stupid socks UH.okay gonna bathe now and start pulling socks later.
sayonara!

2008-08-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

OMG!im dying.its 2am and im still doing maths.im not tired though,haha cause i drank coffee:D uh
i only drink coffee at certain circumstances which is during emergencies!UH.im dawing the stupid cosine graph now.UH.i hope i can get that right on tuesday and wednesday!i think im gonna sleep at 3.30 am.i plan to wake up at 7am to study,but i know it will fail.cause im sure im gonna press away my alarm and continue sleeping!!!oh no,this is so not a good sign!UHHHH.okay.i guess i should stop here,i need to get back to work!BYE!

Peace around the world with the generations:D

PS:i swear fred is funny!

2008-08-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

uh.my hair is still wet,i ahve not done ss and revise chem.im gonna die.and im still using the com,updating my blog.oh well.i just finished eating abalone and i swear it smells like pineapple!i bet my maid never was the knife properly!UH.omg.alot ppl know about my recording thing.i feel so embarrassed!and i just realised that ppl like adeline ng knew about my previous recording and singing class stuff.and she said somebody told her,i wonder who.UH.i want to keep this whole singing thing low profile!maybe only all the 2A 0607 ppl will know.but oh well.
okay i guess i should seriously stop here.need to dry my hair and do my ss and chem!BYE!
PS:i hope the person who stole daphne's phone and ipod to die.god will punish you,you stupid stealer!

2008-07-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

Create your own Friend Test here

2008-07-09T16:50:00.000-07:00

i got home 45 mins ago.i walked home under the rain.uh and i was dying cause i was holding onto a paper bag("thanks" zoe for giving me a PAPER bag)
OH and i don't have any maths homework today!whoohooooo.

oh my gosh,im so pissed with my father.he terminated disney channel,nick and cartoonetwork!UH.so pissed.and he keep showing me attitude,like what?!he kept on saying discouraging words to me about my studies,and i feel really demoralised.i mean like can't he just say something encouraging to me or be nice?and im studying hard now,for myself and nobody else.and my stupid sister don't understand a shit.she just love to make things from bad to worse.like what?!UH.and all my father does is showing me his black face every night when he comes home and say"you better pass all your exams,especially your english,if not im going to wallop you!" UH.he don't even know my progess in studies,he don't even know what im learning in school now.he don't even know how stressing both A and E maths is.he don't even know how im feeling,what is my situation now.and if he ever lay a finger on me,im gonna hate him forever,cause he is not even helping me in my studies!at least my mum hires tutors for me!what did he do?NOTHING.all he knows is EAT EAT EAT and EAT.no more than eating!UHHHH.i don't like to say stuff like these about my father but he is just forcing me to not go to him whenever i have problems.

im gonna prove him wrong,im gonna study hard for MYSELF.im gonna do it for MYSELF.

2008-06-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

went for singing class today and reached home at around 4.40pm.
i was the first to sing.UH.i wasn't even ready.but yeah.oh well.oh and my teacher brought a dog and showed us.she is damn cute,but sadly,her mouth is deformed.very poorthing okay.but she is still very cute>.<
i carried and played with her,she is actually very shy.feel like bringing her back home.
uh school is gonna start tmr and im sure that im gonna die.UH.i can confirm that im gonna be late.im gonna be really restless tmr.UH.and i've lost my ability for A maths and other subjects.UH.

okay i guess i should stop here.im gonna enjoy my last day of hoilday-which is today.
UH.BYE!

2008-06-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

woke up at 10am.went to get ready to meet jolene at outram mrt.i was kinda late,haha cause i kinda fell asleep after i woke up at 10am.haha.
went to taka to had lunch before nadia came cause i was really hungry.i ate dumplings!my gosh,i love dumplings.haha then went to watsons to buy stuffs and then wne to toilet to do our face and hair.

at around 1 plus we went to kinokuniaya to search for jap books.15 mins later ,nadia appeared out of NO WHERE.haha.she found us unknowingly.wth can.yeah then i bought a jap workbook,its called"painless japanese" haha damn funny okay but I LIKE!oh well.

then we left and went to macs cause nadia have not taken her lunch.we rot and talked at macs all the way till 3.30pm.
we went around looking for an empty toilet to take pictures.haha.we happily found a empty toilet for handicapped at borders and we were damn happy.we started taking pictures and then this caucasian man came in and we got a shocked.haha!i got a shocked and i started jumping around and he saw everything.UH.haha

then we took mrt back,i stopped at outram and took a bus back.i waited half and hour for the stupid bus.uh.reached home at like 5pm.then i rot until now.

yeah i guess i should stop here.BYE!

2008-06-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

this blog is dead.haha.i have no idea why im insulting my own blog.oh well.
just got back from VIETNAM a week ago and i almost died.i didn't buy anything for myself or for my friends.uh.i feel so dirty when i was in vietnam.there is like dust everywhere,and you can seriously see them flying pass your face.so annoying.
the water is so not clean there,its like you can see many things floating inside the water.i felt so BRRRR.

its like im going there for efl,except for the hotel part.the hotel is quite clean.oh,i don't like the bed,everytime when i move one cm,there is always a sqeak.UH.oh,and i became darker cause of the sunnuy sun.UH.

yesterday was english oral and i died.uh.i was one of the last and i kept saying"its like" to the examiner.fail.4 letters"F.A.I.L" uh.

went out with me sister today and the weather is freaking warm and she forced me to go chinatown with her to get her beading stuff.

okay i guess i should stop here,gotta go and complete my bio stuff.BYE!

2008-04-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

uh i don't know whats the freaking problem with my father.he didn't call me or sms to inform me that he was on a confrence.like how the hell will i know that he is?!?!?!he didn't pick up his damn phone,of course i will call my mother.and i didn't ask my mother to fetch me,she came on her own accord.how dare you scream and shout at me once you got home.and i didn't say that the whole world is waiting for me,YOU said it yourself.
and i didn't force my mother to buy dinner for me,you can use your own common sense to tell her that you have alrdy bought dinner for the whole family.you may be my father but you may not be right all the time.you are not a good father like what you think you may be.you are not.don't come act nice to me everytime after you screamed at me.im not gonna bother.so,don't bother me.

2008-03-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

back from EFL.oh my gosh,i almost died.wore soaking wet shoes and socks everyday.

day1:
the bus ride was damn long but i didn't really sleep all the way.saw my gf and gm at the place we stopped for lunch!haha and i stole a packet of fisherman's friend from him:D uh.my menses came on the first day of EFL.damn lucky man.UH.have to keep changing pads.IPOS man.reached the dorms at 4 plus and OMG,shock of my life.we got the last dorm right in the corner and the smallest one.there so many insects in our dorm.LIZARDS.UH.there 3 lizards in my dorm and i almost died.my gosh.huge like anything.it had to be lizards,why can't it be other insect man!?!?the toilets were okay,just that there were frogs in the toilets bowls and stuff.jolene caught one:D
haha yeah.lights off at 11pm.i could not sleep.cause the lights were on.everybody in the dorm wanted the lights to be on,so yeah.it was not too bad actually,i can sleep with lights on or off but of course i can sleep better with lights off.obviously i was the last to fall asleep.i fell asleep at 1plus.before i fell alseep,i was looking for something to stone at(i can fall alseep by stoning at stuffs),and i happily stoned at this long black thing on the wall,i didn't know what it was cause i wasn't wearing my specs,and that long black thing moved.i then realised that its a lizards!UH.and jolene is the best man.i accidentally hit her back and she swing her hand on my face like some crazy woman and she didn't know she did that when i told her the next morning

day2:
woke up at 6 am.went hiking.i almost died man.swdeat like anything and i didn't wear my contacts.my specs kept slipping of my nose.so annoying.the instructor kept lying to us.he kept on saying" 2 more km" then when we reached the 2km,he said" 4 more km!!" can die man.and we climbed all the way up just to see the scenery we saw when we were in the bus-_-
after hikinh we did canopy walk.OMG.i almost died i tell you.my legs were so wobbly and jolene kept swinging the bridge.after the canopy walk,was lunch then boat ride.we had lunch at the river side.uh and the nuggets we had were like stones.and its heart shape-_- haha immediatly after lunch was boat ride.
my gosh,my whole body was soaking wet after that.the man in our boat and others boats kept splashing the river water on us and i was having my menses.my pad was like freaking wet and i felt so gross.we didn't get to dry ourselves cause didn't have extra clothes so we just board the bus and then went to the cave.the cave is very cool.we just put down our stuffs in the tent,then we went down for dinner.
we had break all the way till 8 plus before we went for our night walk.haha we formed the B group during break time.haha breast group.we were talking about boobs and funny stuffs.while waiting for the teachers to come for the night walk,we were all looking at the stars.there were alot alot of stars and they are so beautiful:D
we can never see them in singapore,singapore only have a few and thats it.no more.uh.
the night walk was okay.not too bad.it was quite scary at first cause jolene and i were the last.10 in a group.clare and tara were in front holding the candle.10 to one candle.can die man.but half way through we went to the front and led the way.so it was okay.oh and we saw fireflies on our way:D very pretty.haha went to bathe after night walk at around 9 plus and went to sleep.my back almost died when i woke up the next day.the floor is hard like anything and my sleeping bag is thin.took me damn long to get up.

day3:
went caving and it was fun.but excluding the walking part to the cave.oh my gosh.almost died i tell you.so muddy and gross.and there were leaches everywhere but i didn't get any leech bite.jolene too,i think its cause of the mosquito patch cause i gave her one and we pasted it on our socks.our shoes and track pants were damn it muddy and gross.we finally reached the cave and this is the cool part.the cave is really dark but of course,we have our torchlight.mrs gomez is damn cute okay,she climb in the cave with us and insisted that she she didn't want help and everytime when she say she didn't want help,she will fall.haha!the cave is very tall and high up.i felt like in filming in some olden days show okay.so cool.and i kept saying i'm in voldermort hiding place.haha and the formation of the rocks are damn cool,some look like ghost and some look like flying dino.really cool.after caving we did our outdoor cooking.we were all damn hungry and it took us damn long to create our own fire.and mr wong,he damn smart,he told jolene and i to put alot water in out tin and our soup tasted like water.no taste man.and there were many many beautiful butterflies there.jolene took alot of pictures.she almost died following them.haha

day4:
day 4 was the most relaxing one.we just went to see some plantation ans rafting and rot for the rest of the day.woke up at 6 and went to see the rubber plantation and stuff.then rot till 1pm and then rafting.we built the raft half way and it rain like crazy.oh and i can't even rmb how to tie the damn loop thingy.so we quikcly carry everything back and i almost died.i used my huge and useful muscles to carry the huge long poles and i almost died.UH.i couldn't even see cause there were mud in my eyes.now,here comes the pissing part,when we moved everything back.THE RAIN STOPPED.uh.i was so pissed cause my rashes were popping out on my hands and legs.cause it was damn cold.i get rashes whenever the weather is too cold.so went back with the class and i went to bathe immediatly.came out at around 4 plus and rot all the way till 6.30pm haha jolene,kellie kwan and i fell asleep in the dorm and NOBODY woke up us.i mean our roomates la.then coonie(intructor) came and woke us up.she thought we were sick and she happily touched my neck and i felt raped.haha oh well,my neck is senitive okay.i almost hit her cause i thought she was somebody from my class,but luckily i didn't cause she is not-_-
haha went for dinner and then rot again.did reflection in the audi and went rotting time again.took clique photo,3D photo and 2A photo:D

day5:
reached the train station at 12.40am,damn tired,but too pissed to sleep again cause of some irritating ppl from other class.then had picnic with daphne,jolene and zoe!we gather all our food and ate like a pig.haha.the train delayed for 2 hours.the train came at 4.15 am.so gross man.the seats are like OMG.UH.slept all the way till 8am.then this unknown man came and stood somewhere near our seats(jolene and i).then mr wong and miss mas(no idea how to spell) told him off and asked him to leave,but he refused to leave,and even talked back.so annoying.then mr wong had no choice,he just gave the stranger the seat next to him and guess what that man said?
"oh,thats so much better" and he happily sat down and slept.so annoying.felt like punching his face and plucking his eyebrowns.UH.reached singapore at around 11 plus and then reached school at 12 plus.went to my gm house straight away for lunch and then back to home.

really glad i got back.feel so clean now!whoohoooo.haha okay guess i shall stop here.BYE!

2008-02-29T19:08:00.000-08:00

today is like one of the worsttttttt day of my life in SCHOOL.uh.i had rashes all over me.i felt like a freak.it happened at like 7.20am
uh damn annoying okay,icthy but i just can't scratch them.then thumby came to the rescue.she told me her rashes are like mine,she told me to wash them with cold water.it actually became better until when i borrowed this towel from the office.i used it and it became worst.alot more terrible.gross like anything.i know its stupid to call myself gross and disgusting,but its true.it feels like a virus attack!!!uh.
i applied this cream,the auntie in the bio lab gave me and it healed.
but i'm still going to the doctor for a check up,to find out whats the reason.which means,i will have to take a blood test.uh waste my blood.every month heavy flow,and now another tube gone.and i can imagine the needle poking in to me,gttm.gross to the max

2008-02-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

thought my computer died.but yeah.not really.
got back some papers today.E maths and Chem.i got average marks for Emaths and shit for chem.
i got 17 out of 30.UH,what is this man?!!?!?i didn't expect myself to get so low.damn disappointed.
after school,went out with daphne and michelle to meet vanessa cheng.haha yeah had sakae,kinda forgot about my chem till my mother called.
she scolded me cause she thought i was at tiong when im actually at wisma.she shouted at the phone like mad woman and hung up.
yeah lazy to continue my story.gonna finish up my maths work and watch death note 2 to calm my nerves.
bye

2008-02-10T02:05:00.000-08:00

oh my gosh.im gonna die.i can't finish my maths work.im seriously gonna die.and i haven't even revise any subjects yet.exams are like so soon!UH.i'm so depressed now ):
uh and im suppose to be sleeping now.not blogging.i have no idea what im doing
now.my brain is not working and i doubt its gonna work soon.hatred.

stupid and smart girl:D(of course im the smart one)

2008-02-07T17:58:00.000-08:00

oh my gosh.i just came back from alot visiting and im damn it tired.and now alot of relatives are coming to my house now.hatred man.boredom.and i ahve lots of maths and bio homework.oh my gosh.and exams are like next next week!panicking man

2008-02-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i didn't on the aircon last night.uh all thanks to my sister.i almost died.anyway,i wanna get straight to the point.i STILL don't have a maid.uh.i woke up at 9 today.and i was forced to mop the damn floor.whole house okay.uh!
going out later to get new year stuff.tsk man.im so tired.and its only 3pm now.
okay gtg.gonna have tuition at 7.
and going out in another 30 mins time.BYE.

2008-01-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

jolene is helping me to model the doggy bag i gave her:D

my new maid that came yesterday ran away.uh.my gm didn't even scold her and she wanted to leave.fine.leave man.its okay.then my gm will force me to do all the housework and i will become the new maid.UH!

2008-01-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

damn tired today,have no idea why.my mother forced me to go taka with her.reached home at 6.then i fell asleep on the sofa for half and hour.
gonna rewrite my speech about harry potter later.don't know why im so addicted to the spells!hahaha.playing around with spells again.okay gonna go bathe soon.feel dirty.
PS:please stop saying that my beloved bohemian looks like cockroach's one.stop saying that she helped me drew it.its my trademark.i started it long time ago.shut up.

2008-01-19T17:31:00.000-08:00

woke up 8.45 am today cause happy woke me up.he was damn noisy.uh.yeah went to meet jolene and xiu qi at tiong to pass her all my fishes:( i will miss them.
and one died on the way back.uhhhhh.yeah then met michelle and went to get my mother's present from the cd shop.and i got her oldies songs.she like them.yeah.
oh!and i saw amanda leong qiqi!!!
she looks the same as last time,and also,always sweating.once we saw each other we started hugging.haha
waited for my father at michelle's house and he finally came and fetched my at 4.30.

2008-01-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

i bathed at 6 pm today.so early right.haha i feel clean now.okay lets see,stuff that happened today in school.
reached school at about 7.20am.yeah i know,its abit late.haha PE was like oh my gosh.ran 4 rounds around the damn track,and i almost died.played volleyball and my hand almost died too,uh.maths was okay,but fungus stuffed us with questions again.haha very well.
chem was kinda boring but yeah.i wanna do the experiment!!!but he didn't want to let my class do it!so pissing.
e.geog was like,oh my gosh,hatred.
and i've got my recording and its suck.my gosh,i don;t even sound like myself and i sound like a kid!uh

2008-01-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

my gosh i miss 2A 0607 so much.really miss those days when we all go crazy together.haha oh my gosh.im dying.fungus is like killing me with maths questions!and i've lost my damn ability for indices!i can go mad i tell you.i'm trying to get it back now.i'm like so stressed up now.my hair has been dropping ever since this week!its like 50 over strands everyday!i will go bald one day if this is gonna continue.and i've got pimples growing on my face!so pssing.argh.

2008-01-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

school sucks man.i've been so busy till i didn't post for many days.haha.yeah loner in both A and E maths haha.maths test tmr.so soon right.not in the same class with zoe for any subjects.vanessa too.so sad.
its alrdy 2008,so soon right.i'm alrdy going to 15.thats fast.haha
i managed to finished all my homework yesterday.im great man:D
i know.HAHA
tuition just ended at 2.30pm cause i THOUGHT im gonna have singing class at 3pm.
but it has been changed to 4pm.-_-
make me rush my tuition for nothing
haha

2007-12-23T20:35:00.000-08:00

woke up at 10.30am today.went for singing class at 3.it was okay today.but the room is specially cold today.haha i can't stand still.only shirley,jolin and me came today.wayne and alton did not come.yeah.and i'm not going for the chirstmas party tmr:(
reached home at 6pm.had dinner and gonna bathe now then do tuition homework.cause there is tuition tmr at 10.30am !!yeah
gonna celebrate christmas eve with michelle:D
i will sms zoe on chirstmas day at 12 am on the dot:) cause she forced me to.haha
kidding.

2007-12-18T14:34:00.000-08:00

woke up at 10 today and went for piano lesson at 10.30am.
came back at 11.30am
then i went to bathe happy:D he is so cute.haha
going to have tuition at 7.30 tonight.another day of improper lunch and dinner.except for yesterday cause i went to great world with my mum and my sister.
really wanna get a rabbit!happy is lonely:( he needs a friend!
though he is a dog but im sure he can have a rabbit friend!haha

2007-12-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

tuition ended at 11pm last night.its kinda late.im not going for singing class today cause i'm sick.must be zoe!she must be the one who passed to me her damn virus.haha
i'm like feeling so weak.i didn't eat much for lunch and lunch was steamboat.i feel so tired but i don't feel like sleeping.like my whole body is so weak.the last time i got sick was like few months back?i'm finally strong and now back to weak-_-
ahhh.
yay tonight chnl 8 will have kim jeong hoon!!!
tomorrow my father and gm going to genting and my mother is going to china again on tuesday.and my stupid sister will be working.so i will be free!!though my gf will be at home but i guess he is okay.he will be going out.so i can party time at home alone.haha
i guess i should go get some sleep now.yeah bye!

2007-12-11T23:34:00.000-08:00

tuition ended at 10.10pm,that means that i missed 10 minutes of witch yoo hee!!yeah and kim jeong hoon is so cute!and he is coming to singapore for the star awards thingy!HAHA!

tuition was okay i guess.came across to this very difficult question and it took me damn long to do it.yeah.it took my teacher damn long to make me understand it too.haha but i still got it in the end.yeah so today's tuition is productive!YAY
another session on this saturday, it will be on chemistry,but i prefer bio.thats why i choose combi 2!!haha

my father will be at home everyday till chirstmas eve.my gosh.he is gonna irritate me like anything.he wanted to cycle today at east coast but it was raining.oh well,too bad.haha and he is forcing me to watch some andy lau movie with him!!!my goshhhh.i don't want.i rather watch golden compass.
i watched enchanted yesterday!its was very nice!i like!
and my legs ached like anything all thanks to dance class.its suppsoe to be singing class!yeah this week will be back to singing class i guess.
okay i guess i should stop here cause my maid need to sleep soon.BYE!

2007-11-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

my fucking irritating grandmother slapped my face yesterday.she is NOBODY to me.if she is my parents and she slapped me,fine,i have nothing to say.but she is NOT!how dare she slap me?!my parents don't even do that to me!she don't have the fucking rights to do that.bitch.i HATE her TO THE CORE.she keeps on thinking that she is forever right,come on,the whole world hates her and she is NEVER right.
oh,she thinks she is so lovable,so right,so smart.please,GET A LIFE!she is nothing but just a bitchy old hag that scolds maid for little things.nobody can stand her in this world,not even her husband which is my grandfather.he used to be able to stand her,but not now anymore.
all my friends hates her.her voice and her face is just so irritating.i can't stand the sight of her.especailly her darn voice.so irritating and sharp.
bitch,get a life and get out of my life!NOW!

2007-11-22T22:04:00.000-08:00

michelle just left today.will miss her lots<3

went out with the clique today to science centre.it was fun!we took alot of pictures.haha fana was like damn funny when she sat on the electric chair tingy.HAHA
her face was damn funny.oh,and i can't stand zoe's shoes!so noisy!
and my chair fell when i was taking picture with jolene and zoe,and guess what they did?they just pretend they don't know me and walk away!!!but i happily followed them.haha!
i saw the chicks!so cute!haha one was like dying,but i think it just hatched,so its just trying to stand up or soemthing.but it was really breathing very hard,its feather was still wet.haha how i wish i can get one home and play with it.haha
and i saw fishes too!oh my gosh i love animals!!!i love bio!so excited to study bio next year.haha
i wanna open a dog farm.hahait think its cool.and there was this thing that look like a pensive!the memory thing in harry potter.but too bad,i can't upload the pictures cause there is some problem.
anyway,today was fun:D
okay i guess i should go bathe now cause its alrdy 10pm!!!

byeeeeeeee

2007-10-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

shall blog about class party!jolene brought her dog.we went to rollerblade.oh my gosh.it was my first time okay.but i can rollerblade better than jolene:D haha she even came to show off to me that she rollerblade before and told me to becareful.very well,but she fell more 20 times!she can fall in many directions.haha jolene,xiu qi and i all fell at this very steep slope okay.my butt drag on the floor for very long okay!my butt is damn pain now.i can't even sit or walk properly now.i can only sit on one side of my butt.and i have to buy a 10cm by 10cm plaster for it.the patch of wound is damn big.xiu qi injured both her knees,haha.i think jolene injured her elbow.then zenna's phone,isabelle's mp3 and danielle's wallet was stollen by this chinese man.then we called the police.yeah so shocking right.haha class party was fun:D
LOVE 2A'07 FOREVER!

brought Happy to my gm house today haha.my gm was so happy to see Happy.you know.so happy to see Happy.so nice to say.haha
went for singing class today and i had a hard time standing up and sitting down.

i guess i need to go dry my hair and sleep now.BYEEE:)

2007-10-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

just had my dinner.school was fine today.got back english paper.the stupid door hit my ankle and scratched it.damn pain okay.had to go to the toilet without shoes and jolene kept on pushing me so that i can't walk properly.very well,haha.

we played cards today during class.like cheat and murderer.haha damn funny okay.the way zoe and fana blink their eyes were like damn obvious!haha our clique is the only clique that made alot of noise and played.the rest of the class were either sleeping or talking QUIETLY amougs themselves.so shocking.haha

we are going to have a 2A class gathering this saturday at east coast!haha i guess its gonna be fun:D can't wait!

2007-10-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

i going to study for geog later.im bored.i'm suppose to study but i just don't have the mood.you know,friday is not really the day for studying.haha.my dad and his friends are like paying majiong behind me in the computer room.because of that ic ant watch videos.thats so irritating.oh my gosh.the majiong sound again! so pissing.okay im just going to blog and then go to my room and study for geog.

i have to help my sister cut her stupid name cards.100 of them for 4 bucks.4 bucks.just 4 bucks.i HAVE to do it.very well, haha.

2007-10-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

stayed back for pw today.and fana is so...very well.no words to describe her.haha

oh my gosh!i lost my ability of doing algebra!!maths exam is next monday and i had to lose my ability at this point of time!im panicking!

i love my new maid:D she rocks!her cooking rocks okay!haha i like her:D

2007-10-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

after school went to buy sushi with michelle then went home.took a short nap at 4.i was like damn tired.then woke up at 5 and study for science for a little while and then went to bathe.yeah.i know im dirty and shouldn't sleep before i bathe but i was really very tired.BUT i didn't sleep on my bed.i slept on the floor.haha!smart eh?haha
had tuition at 6.30 till 9.my teacher dragged for half and hour.my gosh.i was so hungry okay.the last thing i ate was at 3pm.i didn't eat for 6 hours!im so proud of myself.haha then ate a little for dinner at 9.but it was too late,i already have gastric.very well.but its not very painful like it used to be.so can bear with it.
okay.i shall go pack my bag and brush my teeth and then get ready to watch spongebob!and then sleep at 11.30!
BYEEE:)

2007-09-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i post.haha.yeah very busy these few days.oh my gosh.exams are like next week.i must work harder!!

just woke up.going to my gm house later for lunch then for singing class.i went swimming yesterday and i was having my period.haha but i didn't stain the pool or anything.so i feel skinnier now:)haha.still going for diet.i MAY feel skinny,BUT i MAYNOT be skinny.haha yeah.

my dog is so weird okay.his fur keeps dropping and now his tail has got no more fur and it looks damn small and thin like a pig's tail.haha!i must go breed my dog soon before its too late!before he is to old for breeding!!so at least if he dies in 5 years time,i will still have his babies!at least the puppies contains something inside their bodies that belongs to my dog:D his blood. yeah.haha

2007-09-06T22:18:00.000-07:00

tuition just ended.my phone is finally fixed.haha yeah.going to study maths later,shall do tuition work and then maybe read harry potter and the half blood prince.i guess i will sleep quite late today,3am?yeah should be.i slept at around that time last night.i wanna wake up at 8!i realise i cannot wake up early.this has become a serious problem okay!it eats up half of my day!then it will leadmy brain to stupidity!!!this is NOT good!i'm suppose to wake up at 9 today but i end up waking up at 12.30pm.so pissing!

and i realised something,my dog is damn it cute okay!love him!

2007-09-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

i brought my phone to the priest already.they said my phone is really possessed haha!no larh.i brought it for service.so now i'm using some old nokia phone.i can get my phone back today,but i don't think my mother is free to collect it.going to have tuition at 4 later.so i'm going to clear all my doubts about maths.yay!

its your love and it turns me on like when the suns goes down and the moon comes up.

2007-08-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

last day of school!haha going to start studying for exams this weekend.which is tomorrow.yeah haha.but schedule is abit tight tomorrow.i have piano class in the morning.singing class int he afternoon and tuition at night.i'm not sure if i have the time to self study.sunday have to visit my grandmother and then bring my phone for service.
OH MY GOD!my phone is possessed!it eats up all my songs!my songs just dissapear!haha i think my memory card is corrupted haha.

went back to kellcok today.i saw ms chang and miss yee! oh my god!i miss them tons okay!will love them forever!

2007-08-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIRO!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADONG!

WILL SUPPORT YOU FOREVER!
LOVE YOU TONS!